Author Archive for Ronnie Tucker



29
Oct
08

Russ Meyer – King of Sexploitation

Russ Meyer - King of Sexploitation

Russ Meyer - King of Sexploitation

Russ Meyer – King of Sexploitation, is an old documentary, made shortly after his death in September 2004 and explores the magic of boobs uh, I mean, his movies.

The documentary is chock full of Russ Meyer clips and interviews with friends, ex-girlfriend and actresses.

Everyone from Director John Landis to Playboy founder Hugh Hefner gushes about what they love most about Meyers movies, or how they came to meet him.

Beginning with his first few movies (Faster Pussycat Kill Kill) it explains how his movies were some of the first to contain nudity (no explicit sex) and with a plot! *gasp!*

It introduces his main actresses (ex-girlfriend Kitten Natividad and Tura Satana, who still appear at Meyer fan conventions) and explains how he was a World War II videographer which is where he honed his craftmanship.

Tura Satana - as she was in the 70's

Tura Satana (in the black) - as she was in the 60's

It then moves on to the 70’s where Hollywood gave Meyer a decent budget and a shot at the big time. His film (Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls) effectively poked fun at Hollywood, and Hollywood had no idea what to do with the film nor what it meant.

Tura Satana as she looks now - still scary...

Tura Satana as she looks now - still scary...

By the mid-late 70’s Meyers films were more cartoony and he was appearing either introducing them, or explaining the movie at the end. The level of violence in his films had increased, never blood and guts graphic, but still violent none the less.

The great man himself - Russ Meyer

The great man himself - Russ Meyer

As we reach the end of the documentary, it explains how – in his mid-80’s – Meyer’s health began to fail, as did his memory. Tura Satana explains it sadly in how he used to call her name, but in his last days he could only say ‘I know I’m supposed to know you […] but I can’t remember who you are…’

A true under-rated genius. Like the film says: he was one of the few guys to take a $20k budget and have the film rake in over $1m.

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27
Oct
08

House (2008)

House

House

House starts off innocently enough: a man and wife are driving to an appointment, end up lost and are given directions to help them on their way. Surprise surprise, they end up at an old (seeminly abandoned) house.

There, they meet another couple who found their way to the house. Suddenly the houses inhabitants reveal themselves. A rather inbred looking bunch of redneck sorts. At this point, House reminded me of House of 1,000 Corpses (awesome film by the way) so I was quite excited about it all.

As they become trapped in the house, stalked by some madman outside, the houses inhabitants turn nasty and it’s survival of the fittest with the two couples. Things take a weird twist here with each of the four people having flashbacks to their past. Apparently the stalker only hunts the guilty, and in their flashbacks we see what it is they’re guilty of. But the story also pits the couples against one another with the husbands being told to kill their wives, kill each other and vice versa. So by now I’m thinking that this film is part Addams Family, part Saw. No bad thing at all! As the stalker leaves his calling card (a tin can) it becomes more like Saw. And I’m a Saw fanboy, so I’m very excited now!

As the killer shows himself and things are explained it all goes pear-shaped. It goes from being a fight-for-survival horror, to a more fantasy film! I have to say, I was MOST dissapointed… I had such high hopes for this film! If they could reshoot the ending to make it less fantasy based, I’d recommend it. But as it is? I can only recommend the first three-quarters of the film, the rest is garbage.

Acting is sufficient, effects are ok, the one thing I did notice most was the lighting. Plenty of warm colours played against cool colours. Very colourful, but not in a cartoony way.

By the end of the film, a lot of things are left unexplained (eg: what is the black fog?) and the twist ending isn’t a very good twist and I was left thinking: is that it???!!!

Also, according to IMDb (aka: the Bible) this movie received an R rating. I have no idea why, as it has NO blood and NO gore what so ever. I think money changed hands there to get an R rating for hype purposes.

If you really must see a film called House, I recommend the 1986, highly under-rated, gem: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091223/

26
Oct
08

Celluloid Carcass – Horror Mixtape

Celluloid Carcass

Celluloid Carcass

Celluloid Carcass is a mix tape. If you’re unsure as to what a mix tape is I’ll tell you: it’s basically a load of movie clips, sometimes put to music, for your perverse enjoyment.

So, with that out of the way, what’s actually in Celluloid Carcass? To be honest, I’ve no idea. I recognise some clips in it, but a lot of them I’ve never seen before.

See, the good thing about a mix tape is that you sometimes see clips in there that make you think ‘Fuck! That looks awesome!’ and hunt down the movie that the clip came from. This mix tape did that to me a few times.

oh oh! I know this one, I know this one! She screamed so much she passed out! You don't see that in films now-a-days, the women are too busy trying to be men.

oh oh! I know this one, I know this one! She screamed so much she passed out. You don't see that in films now-a-days, the women are too busy trying to be men 😦

The mix tape starts with quite a long sequence panning along all sorts of mangled bodies before bringing up the logo (above). We’re then treated to some ghetto bitch fights before moving swiftly along to some rednecks out in the forest discussing who’s turning who ‘queer’. I won’t mention every clip as part of the beauty in a mix tape is that you’ve just no idea what to expect next.

Gratuitous nipple shot

Gratuitous nipple shot

There is, of course, some mad Japanese stuff in there, one is a chick dressed very cowboy like with the poncho-type thing on, but when the ponch-type thing comes off? Well, I’ll leave that to you to see. The other Japanese clip of note is between two women in fancy dress pretending to kick each others ass while cartoon sound effects are playing (below)… very odd!

Id love to have been cutting through the park that day...

I'd love to have been cutting through the park that day...

One clip that did make me say ‘ooh, whassat??’ was from an animation. A wide shouldered hero type dodges gazillions of bullets, grenades and what not and is fighting against what I can only describe as tall scrawny looking Smurfs (below). If you know what film it’s from, please tell me the title!

See? They look like tall, scrawny, Smurfs!

See? They look like tall, scrawny, Smurfs!

Most of the other clips are of monsters. Some good, some bad. But even the bad ones are good, in a warped kinda way…

Quite possibly the cheapest looking monsters anywhere...

Quite possibly the cheapest looking monsters anywhere...

The tape ends with the necessary parts from Zombi 2 played in FFWD so you effectively get to see Zombi 2 in about five minutes. No bad thing.

What I like best about this mix tape is that it doesn’t go for the cheap mondo shots of real people/animals being mutilated/injured. Also, a nice touch is that rather than letter box some shots with the usual black bars at the top and bottom, it has nice dark red, patterened, bars which help with the presentation of the tape. Speaking of presentation, Celluloid Carcass does excellent here, a lot of the movie clips will have a piece of music playing that, in a funny way, relates to the scene.

All in all, this is one of the best mix tapes I’ve seen yet. No mondo gore, lots of cheesy monster effects and even a few indy movie clips, all wrapped up in one small, but beautifully presented, tape.

If you like mix tapes, then you might also like The Abortion Bin tape that I reviewed.

If you want to download this mix tape, here’s a hint: ‘Tracker 3’ (if you can get it to load).

19
Oct
08

Top5 Posters for Halloween

These are in no particular order, and were chosen for their oddness…

Invasion Of The Saucer-Men

Invasion Of The Saucer-Men

I just love the over-dramatic posters of the 50’s

SEE – DISEMBODIED HAND THAT CRAWLS…!

SEE – TEENAGERS vs THE SAUCER-MEN!

(yes, they are genuinely taken from the poster, click it and see)

From good ol’ IMDb:

“A teenage couple making out in the woods accidentally runs over an alien creature with their car. The creature’s hand falls off, but it comes alive, and, with an eye growing out of it, begins to stalk the teens. Meanwhile, Joe the town drunk wants to store the body in his refrigerator, but some of the alien’s buddies inject alcohol into his system, and Joe dies of an overdose.”

Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun

Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun

I really don’t give a rats ass what the film is about, you really can’t go wrong with a chick dressed as a nun with her boobs out. WIN!

From IMDb (should anyone be remotely interested):

“16-year-old Maria is forced into Serra D’Aires convent, secretly run by Satanists. Her confessor is in collusion with the Mother Superior. Maria is tortured, forced into sex with men, women, and the horned Devil, and told that it’s all a bad dream. She writes a letter to God, and a Knight rescues her, only to fall into the hands of the Inquisition, put on the rack, and condemned to death like Joan of Arc.”

SUCH a good poster going to waste… I cry…  😥

Ghost In The Invisible Bikini

Ghost In The Invisible Bikini

There’s just so much going on in this poster that I couldn’t NOT post it!

Some highlights: the green (witch faced) chick in the top left corner. The chick in the purple bent over. Oh wait, there’s nothing suspect in that, that was my imagination, sorry!

Now this might be me just trying to be sensible but: surely a ghost (invisible) in an invisible bikini should be… a blank poster?…

From IMDb:

“Hiram Stokley is a recently desased corpse who learns that he has 24 hours to mastermind and perform one good deed in order to get into Heaven, so he enlists the help of his long deceased girlfriend Cecily, a ghost, to stop his greedy lawyer, Reginald Ripper and his henchman J. Sinister Hulk from claiming his estate for themselves and protecting his eligible heirs, Chuck, Lili, Hiram’s cousin Myrtle, and her son who brings his beach party friends up at the mansion for a pool party while Reginald Ripper also employs his daughter Sinistra, and J. Sinister Hulk’s slow-witted associates Chicken Feather and Yolanda to help them terrorize the teens, while dopey biker Eric Von Zipper and his Malibu Rat Pack bikers also get involved in pursuing Yolanda for a share of the estate.”

Well, I’m glad that cleared things up…  :/

Frogs

Frogs

I HAD to pick Frogs, it’s just such a bizarre yet funny poster!

I hope that the people of 1972 didn’t take this film seriously…

IMDb says:

“Ray Milland plays an aging, grumpy, physically disabled millionaire who invites his family to his island estate for his birthday celebration. Sam Elliot plays a free-lance photographer who is doing a pollution layout for an ecology magazine. Jason Crokett (Milland) hates nature, poisoning anything that crawls on his property. On the night of his birthday the frogs and other members of nature begin to pay Milland back.”

I wish I hadn’t read that summary, it kinda spoils the humour I get from the poster.

Damn you IMDb!

And my last one is also an odd one:

Werewolves On Wheels

Werewolves On Wheels

Three words: WHAT… THE… FUCK…

The ‘story’ according to IMDb is that:

“A biker gang visits a monastery where they encounter black-robed monks engaged in worshipping Satan. When the monks try to persuade one of the female bikers, Helen, to become a satanic sacrifice the bikers smash up the monastery and leave. The monks have the last laugh, though, as Helen, as a result of the satanic rituals, is now possessed and at night changes into a werewolf, with dire results for the biker gang.”

That’s about as clear as mud. That doesn’t look like a female werewolf on that motorbike. If it is, it’s a lesbo werewolf (how good a film would that make?! I’m a genius!) as it’s carrying a female. Or is it a shemale/tranny biker?

Oh God, I have to go now. I have a script running riot in my brain!

Honourable mention goes to:

High School Dropouts

High School Drop-outs

Not only is it, quite possibly, the worst poster ever scratched, but it also makes no sense.

“They wanted tools that didn’t come in schools”

That tagline alone has at least two innuendos.

Even the almighty IMDb has trouble with its title.

Either way, God awful poster and I’m quite glad I can’t get a synopsis for it. Last time I got a synopsis it spoiled the poster! (see cool topless nun poster (above)).

.

OK Alex, your turn, beat that lot!

17
Oct
08

A Perfect Fake – Hyper-Realistic Sex Dolls

To be perfectly honest, the first fifteen to twenty minutes of this documentary are boring. It discusses the creation of the perfect fake human, whether it be in CGI or in robotics. The narrator sounds like she’s been narrating all day is well and truly bored. Only after about twenty minutes does it begin to delve in to the CGI porn from, you guessed it, Japan.

It briefly talks about the CGI films, and games, which the Japanese love so much then discusses the possibility of computer controlled sex toys, and this is where the English translation provides comedy gold.

You warped Japs! WE LOVE YOU!!

You warped Japs! WE LOVE YOU!!

I’m sure the translations are accurate, but it’s just the way in which they discuss things that got me laughing. Like the man above who, using a PC, various magnets and a rubber vagina, has created a robotic beaver that, in theory, someone using the PC (or over the internet) could control. His frank discussion of Japanese habits like: ‘they [Japanese men] put their cock in a vacuum [cleaner] and go “oooh”‘ were hilarious. He needs his own TV show that man.

It then moves on to the man with, easily, the freakiest doll of them all:

Agh! Imagine looking down and seeing that thing!

Imagine humping away, looking down, and seeing that thing... it'd put you off your stride!

And its owner is pretty freaky looking too. Definitely a ‘wouldn’t-leave-my-kids-with-him’ guy. He tells how he saw Tina (as he calls her) on a web site and bought her. I suppose it’s the latex equivalent of a Russian bride…

Yeah, excited in the pants you mean!

No, I think your work mates wanted rid of you, you weirdo!

No, I think your work mates wanted rid of you, you weirdo!

He then thought: ‘what can I do with this doll?’ (since I don’t think it’s actually a sex doll) and found that there were many people who take their dolls out in the real world and photograph them, so that’s what Tina’s owner decided to do, dismantle her, stick her in a bag, wheel her out in to the wide open world, stick a pole up her ass, prop her up in a field and take photo’s of her. Oh how I’d love to have seen the faces of those passing by.

I'm speechless by this mans psychological misgivings...

Ok, he's a crackpot...

It does briefly mention Idoloid, a Japanese porn magazine that uses only sex dolls in its photographs, but it then moves in to the real sex doll side of things. One collector (read: raving pervert) is a well known Japanese businessman who’s identity is hidden behind a blurred face.

Yeah, I'll bet you do!

Yeah, I'll bet you do!

He explains that some people throw their old dolls away when they get new ones, but not him, oh no, he keeps them all and even has a spare apartment to keep them all in! This guy is obviously a professional sexual deviant. He doesn’t mess around…

Notice how they all look rather young?...

Notice how they all look rather young?...

He even, helpfully, discusses how you should plug their holes up (*snigger*), when not in use, and how to properly position them so as not to have them distort or crack over time.

The programme runs for close to an hour and only after the short CGI discussion does it get to the good stuff, I’m not sure if the programme was written specifically about the Japanese market, or if they found it difficult to find a Westerner with a sex doll, but either way – if you want to sit and way ‘what the FUCK?!’ ever few minutes then this is the documentary for you. Although it never did tell you how much it was to buy a sex doll…

12
Oct
08

Feast II – Sloppy Seconds

Feast II - Sloppy Seconds

Feast II - Sloppy Seconds

If you’ve seen the first Feast movie (or read my Feast review here on Midnight Showing) then you’ll know what the movie is about. For the rest of you, it’s about monsters invading a small town and running riot. Yep, that’s pretty much it. But it’s a comedy so when kills aren’t taking place, something funny is.

A couple of characters have made it from the first Feast in to this second outing. Sloppy Seconds starts exactly where the first movie left off, in fact it shows you the end of Feast then has the black screen with the shrinking circle, exactly like you’d see when you finish a level in Super Mario World (Super Nintendo/Famicom, best console ever created in the history of the Universe).

We’re introduced to Biker Queen then reintroduced to the Bartender (who still isn’t dead). We’re then treated to the meeting of Bartender and Honey Pie (deserter in Feast) which results in one of the best male to female beatings ever. Even just thinking about the sound of her head smashing off that toilet pan makes me snigger like a school boy.

The main problem with Sloppy Seconds is that it takes nearly half the film to introduce all the characters (which I think there are too many) and give a decent laugh. Even then, for me the first laugh was the monster fart scene. Call me immature if you like, but you can’t beat fart jokes. Then comes one of about three scenes that made me laugh: the monster bukkake scene.

That's monster wang and monster jizz!

That's monster wang and monster jizz!

One of the characters decides that to defeat the enemy, he must know the enemy – inside and out, so he decides to do an autopsy on one of the creatures. This involves him using a blow torch to cut open a monster and poke it’s various organs with a stick. One organ must obviously be the prostate which makes the monster shoot jizz over almost all the cast (including the old Bartender guy! Ewwww!).

The monsters REALLY love our earth cats...

The monsters REALLY love our earth cats...

Another scene has Honey Pie locked in a store, in a daze she dreams of love and sex (with what looks like some fat dude) but awakens to see one of the creatures humping something. Turns out, the monsters really love our earth cats…

There are a couple of other scenes which made me laugh out loud, but they were few and far between, especially since the movie does run for a touch over 90mins. The effects are quite well done (for a straight to DVD release that is) and there’s certainly enough gore in it to keep the average gore-hound grinning.

Gratuitous boobage.

Gratuitous boobage.

Unfortunately they kept the best scenes to near the end of the movie, which is where the punk/goth chicks finally get their boobs out. This should certainly have happened sooner and would have gotten more of a (boioioioing!) reaction with them running about topless. But sadly not to be. Shame you Mr Director!

So, in summing up: it gets a couple of points for the topless chicks, and a couple of points for the funny scenes (watch out for the baby scene), that still only makes it average.

But, never fear… there’s always next time. Yep, there’s a Feast III cumming.

NOTE TO DIRECTOR: more boobage early on please…

08
Oct
08

Turkish Rip-offs

No sooner had [REC] hit foreign cinemas, Hollywood snapped up the rights and started a remake (Quarantine). The sad truth is: we know Hollywood will make a complete pigs ear of it, but they’re not the only ones. While Hollywood has snapped up foreign titles to redo, back in the seventies Turkey did the same with Hollywood titles.

‘How can Turkey afford to snap up Hollywood blockbusters for remake?!’ you ask.

Simple, they just do it. Permission? Pff!

Aysecik ve sihirli cüceler rüyalar ülkesinde

Aysecik ve sihirli cüceler rüyalar ülkesinde

It’s 1971 and a movie called ‘Aysecik ve sihirli cüceler rüyalar ülkesinde’ is released in Turkey. It’s title translates in to English as either: ‘Aysecik and the Bewitched Dwarfs in Dreamlan’ or: ‘Aysecik in the Land of the Magic Dwarfs’. It’s storyline is based on a somewhat more familiar movie called ‘The Wizard of Oz’.

To use the plot provided on IMDb: A young girl named Aysecik lives on her parents’ farm, when an animated tornado carries her and her dog Banju in their house to Rüyalar Ulkesinde (Dreamland). Seven Cüceler (dwarfs) (dressed like MGM Munchkin soldiers, only red and white) who assist the Good Witch of the North appear at various times to help. She meets a Scarecrow, an Iron Woodman, and a Cowardly Lion, and dances to music from what appears to be an invisible radio. They encounter fighting trees, a river, and a country of China dolls on their way to the Wizard, a ball of fire who sends them after the Wicked Witch who enslaves them. When the Wizard is unable to help Aysecik get home, they must journey again for help, encountering the China Country once more, and a legion of hammer-throwing cavemen. – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066801/

Needless to say, when Turkey does a remake the budget is always somewhat on the low side. Here’s a small clip from what is more commonly known as ‘The Turkish Wizard of Oz’.

Even the dog looked embarassed to be involved in the movie.

Turist Ömer Uzay Yolunda

Turist Ömer Uzay Yolunda

Having managed to escape persecution from Hollywood, Turkey moved up a rung and decided to rip-off a TV series this time. Star Trek. 1973 brought the world ‘Turist Ömer Uzay Yolunda‘ (also known as ‘Ömer the Tourist in Star Trek‘. A film so good that it left IMDb speechless and only able to say:

The Enterprise picks up a Turkish hobo.

Very in depth. An IMDb reviewer has a better plot outline:

The viewer is treated to an outsider’s view of the Star Trek universe, as a Turkish slapstick comedian (Turist Ömer) escapes a shotgun wedding thanks to the timely intervention of the starship Enterprise. Borrowing shamelessly from several classic Star Trek episodes (particularly Star Trek’s first broadcast episode “The Man Trap”) an ability to speak Turkish is not necessary for Star Trek fans to be able to follow the plot, although it may well baffle non-Trekkies. In fact, picking out the various homages (and deciding which characters are being depicted by the actors) may well be one of the most enjoyable aspects.

Interspersed with the familiar scenes are more bizarre sequences, involving a mad scientist (a dead ringer for Alfred Ryder, who played Dr. Crater in “The Man Trap”), as well robots in loincloths, bikini-clad alien girls, and some of the most hilariously bad pre-digital special effects ever committed to film.

Teleporting to you from YouTube… a clip of ‘Turist Ömer Uzay Yolunda

Not much I can say here, it looks just as bad as the US TV series did!

3 Dev Adam

3 Dev Adam

1973 also saw, not a remake, but a ‘reimagining’ (as Hollywood now likes to call it’s remakes) of famous American symbols such as Captain America and Spiderman.

The plot (and I use the word loosely here) according to IMDb is: Istanbul is being terrorized by a crime wave, and the police call in American superhero Captain America and Mexican wrestler Santo to put a stop to it.

Why they chose a Mexican wrestler is a mystery, but what that plot synopsis fails to mention is that the crime wave is being masterminded by Spiderman!

No, seriously! Spiderman is the mad, murdering, criminal!

It’s Turkish title can be translated as: ‘3 Mighty Men’, ‘Captain America and Santo vs. Spider-Man’, or: ‘Three Giant Men’. No matter which English title you choose this is a NO budget movie.

It is most notorious for its portrayal of Spiderman as being an evil murderer. It’s also known as the Turkish movie with three men in costumes prancing about. Also, for some reason Spiderman has the eyeholes cut from his face mask to reveal rather overly bushy eyebrows. I’m not sure if this is some hidden, Turkish, meaning, but it’s weird.

Through the power of YouTube, behold the evilness of Spiderman:

Seytan

Seytan

The next big title to be butchered remade, was The Exorcist. Seytan was unleashed to the (Turkish) world in 1974. Again, with no budget, the Turks attempted to create their version of possession.

…a 12 year old girl named Gul, living with her mother in a cozy, high society life in Istambul becomes possessed by the Satan himself through a Ouija board and a troubled psychiatrist and an experienced exorcist become the girl’s only hope for salvation.

The Exorcist is also fondly remembered for it’s use of Tubular Bells in it’s score. Seytan also uses it. Muchly. In fact, it pretty much plays Tubular Bells on a loop for the entire film.

‘Special Effects’ are pretty much non exisistant, the girl playing the part of ‘Megan’ looks like she’s had Rice Crispies glued to her face.

Using a Ouija board on the intarwebz we summoned up a clip of Seytan:

The power of Christ compels you! (to go away).

Süpermen dönüyor

Süpermen dönüyor

Even comic book characters weren’t safe, as we know from 3 Dev Adam, and in 1979 they decided to work their magic on Superman. ‘Süpermen dönüyor‘, as it was affectionately called, was (according to the almighty IMDb):

After a mysterious prologue in a Christmas tree ornaments-filled “starscape”, Turkish Clark Kent is told by his parents that he is an Alien from space and that he must leave to accomplish his destiny. They give him a green gem which he takes into a nearby cave. There, Jor-El, minus half of his front teeth, appears and reveals to Clark that he is Superman.

Poor Jor-El!

I think this IMDb reviewer maybe somewhat sarcastic: ‘The visual effects. Perhaps the best special effects I’ve ever seen in a movie.The sound design. The sound effects complement the action perfectly making everything twice as exciting.’

Well, I hope he’s sarcastic, if not, he’s barking mad.

While scouring YouTube, with my underpants on the outside of my trousers, I found:

Yes, they even stole the music…

Dünyayi kurtaran adam

Dünyayi kurtaran adam

Anyone growing up in the eighties (ie: me) will remember a little film called Star Wars. It made ‘some’ money at the box office so it was definitely up for grabs in Turkish thinking. And lo, 1982 gave birth to ‘Dünyayi kurtaran adam‘. Sometimes known as ‘The Man Who Saves the World‘, we know it as ‘The Turkish Star Wars’. I’m not quite sure why as it doesn’t look anything like Star Wars…

This film differed from the rest in that the Turks’ balls had grown substantially and, not content with stealing the basic idea from Hollywood, they needed music. So they just stole the music from Raiders of the Lost Ark, Flash Gordon, Planet of the Apes (the list goes on) and used them. Those quick thnking Turks!

The almighty IMDb is lost for words on Dünyayi kurtaran adam, and has no plot details what so ever, so… after using some Google ninja skills:

The film follows the adventures of two comrades, Murat (Arkın) and Ali (Akkaya), whose ships crash on a desert planet following a space battle that apparently inserts footage from the actual Star Wars films as well as newsreel clips of both Soviet and American space rockets. While in the desert one of them says that perhaps it is a planet only populated by women, so the other man begins to do his whistle which he uses to attract women. However, he uses the wrong whistle, and they are then assaulted by skeletons on horseback. For more thrilling plot details, see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D%C3%BCnyay%C4%B1_Kurtaran_Adam

I see what you mean IMDb, I’m speechless too…

Badi

Badi

Having ‘duplicated’ the massive Star Wars, the Turks kept the bar high and in 1983 they lovingly recreated ‘ET‘ as ‘Badi‘. One IMDb reviewer describes the plot as:

The story concerns a three-foot alien who gets stranded on Earth and befriends a young boy. The plot is completely derivative of Spielberg’s yarn, and the special effects have to be seen to be believed. The alien character, named “Badi”, is made up of a midget inside an extremely disturbing rubber mask.

Hang on, ‘a midget inside an extremely disturbing rubber mask’? Is this the Turkish ET, or the American ET?

Badi is indeed a bad-i, as the above reviewer put it: This is worth seeing only for the horrifying rubber-faced Badi, a creature that would scare any child no matter how curious and open-minded.

Phoning home from YouTube, Badi:

*speechless*

So there we have it, Hollywood isn’t the only one to screw up remakes, difference is: we can look back and laugh at the terrible Turkish remakes, so at least they serve some sort of entertainment purpose. Current Hollywood remakes will be looked back on, I fear, with less favourable reviews…