Posts Tagged ‘boobs

01
Oct
08

Feast starring Henry Rollins

Feast

Feast

Feast is a horror comedy which has bar patrons trapped inside the bar while ferocious creatures (outside) are trying to have them as lunch.

The movie starts by introducing us to each of the main characters not by using story but by flashing up some humerous text (see screen below). While not exactly a ground breaking technique, at least it stops us from sitting through thirty minutes of character stories.

Introducing

Introducing 'Hot Wheels' the cripple.

With character names like ‘Hot Wheels’ (for a guy in a wheel chair) and ‘Honey Pie’, you know from the get go that this movie wants to be politically incorrect and isn’t take itself seriously.

A hero bursts in to the bar and informs the lazy bar goers that there are evil monsters coming, all done in true drama-queen fashion. He is dispatched in a depitation scene, then a female heroine appears. One by one, each patron has a close encounter or is bumped off in a gory fashion.

It’s not all humour as there is also a fair bit of action in the movie too. It wasn’t exactly a demanding part, but I did like Henry Rollins’s (intentional?) self parody, trying to give a team-talk (below) while characters are being butchered.

Henry Rollins (Coach) gives a fine (but utterly hopeless) team talk...

Henry Rollins (Coach) gives a fine (but utterly hopeless) team talk...

The story has few nice twists in it, nothing earth shattering, but still adds some meat to the bones of the story, and also telling us more about the characters.

If a fun movie is what you want then Feast will fit the bill, it’s the kind of movie you used to only get in the 80s, where you could sit, watch some gore, see a cool monster, and have a laugh. A rarity now a days. I’m not sure how popular Feast was on it’s initial release but I know Feast II will be released soon.

that is indeed a monsters tackle, jammed in a door. I even enhanced the brightness of the screenshot for your viewing pleasure. You can thank me later...

that is indeed a monsters tackle, jammed in a door. I even enhanced the brightness of the screen shot for your viewing pleasure. You can thank me later...

Favourite Quote: There’s a monster cock stuck in the door! (above)

22
Sep
08

Ilsa She Wolf of the SS starring Dyanne Thorne

Ilsa - She Wolf of the SS

Ilsa - She Wolf of the SS

I’m prefacing this review with some UK centric back story: there was a comedy program on UK television called ‘Allo Allo‘ which mocked the Germans and had the most comical German accents. Every German spoke with a German tinted English accent. No matter how much I try to take this movie seriously, that comedy program pops in to my head since this movie uses the same German tinted English. In all honesty it’s a flaw only UK people who watched Allo Allo will notice. In fact, the movie would probably have been better had they filmed it in German and used English subtitles. But I digress…

Ilsa is the cruel warden of a conentration camp which is conducting ‘medical’ experiments on it’s male, and female, prisoners. Ilsa has a theory that women can withstand more pain than men, and she is out to prove it to the top brass of the SS.

NOTE TO ILSA: Woman can withstand more pain than men because they don’t have nuts to kick. Case closed.

But she is also using the men of the camp for her own sexual pleasure and, surprise surprise, one American prisoner can keep it up all night, and becomes Ilsa’s favourite, I’m guessing the story was written by an American, but Ilsa is also torturing the women of the camp to prove her theory. I won’t spoil the ‘story’ (what there is of one), but her sexual appetite becomes her downfall.

Look! It is the Fallen Madonna with the big boobies! (another Allo Allo reference)

Look! It is the Fallen Madonna with the big boobies! (another Allo Allo reference)

What I liked most about this film is that within two minutes we get to see Ilsa topless in the shower. Certainly got my attention! Or is that got me TO attention, oh, never mind. Then the first batch of women arrive at the camp, we’re then treated to a short scene of each presenting themselves to Ilsa completely starkers.

Gratuitous cleavage shot...

Gratuitous cleavage shot...

Some of the rape and torture scenes are a bit unnecessary but this movie seems to be all talk and no action. There’s no real gore shown, most of it is all off screen so its reputation seems to have preceeded it. The acting and script is so hammy that its still oinking and the gore is non-existant, so what is there to like? Dyanne Thornes ample bosom, that’s what! Achtung!

To prove my Allo Allo theory, here’s a YouTube clip, showing the best of season one. The Ilsa accents are EXACTLY like the Allo Allo ones!