Posts Tagged ‘Flying

03
Oct
08

Mystics in Bali – aka: Leák

Mystics in Bali

Mystics in Bali

This… is one weird movie!

The acting is visually ok, but the voice dubbing is God awful. So what’s the good points? Well, the cheese aspect, to be quite frank and honest.

An American woman (Cathy) heads to Bali to learn their most powerful form of magic. She is, apparently, versed in the ways and means of Voodoo, but wants something with a bit more oomph. She eventually gets a meeting with the Leák Queen (with the most annoying laugh) who accepts her as her disciple. All the while we have Mahendra, her trusy male friend, trying his damnedest to get in her drawers.

Poor Mahendra. Most he gets to see is Cathy with a wet top.

Poor Mahendra. Most he gets to see is Cathy with a wet top.

The Leák Queen teaches Cathy magic but also uses Cathy to cause misery to the local villagers by detaching Cathy’s head and having it fly around the village, all the while dangling her innards. No, I’m not kidding. I’ll prove it, watch this clip of Mystics in Bali:

Mahendra needs to find a cure for Cathy since she is now transmogrifying in to snakes and pigs. A part human, part pig, with big boobs (which you do get to see!) is not something that turns him on it seems.

Special effects are something to rival Industrial Light and Magic. Sorry, I missed the word ‘not‘ in that sentence. Cathy’s head flying around and Mahendra’s Uncle levitating are, well, embarrassing.

Beat THAT Industrial Light and Magic! Hmf!

Beat THAT Industrial Light and Magic! Hmf!

The question is: did I like the movie? Fuck yeah! The acting, and dubbing, were awful, and the special effects were dire. What was there not to like?!

21
Sep
08

Master of the Flying Guillotine directed by Yu Wang

I mean, just the title alone makes me giggle

I mean, just the title alone makes me giggle.

That’s one ridiculous title.  It screams “cheese” and “fun.”  That truly is what you get.  In the first five minutes the “master of the flying guillotine” gets so pissed that some of his apprentices were killed by a man known as the one-armed boxer (yup, dudes got one arm) he jumps out of his house through the roof, does some flips, sets his house on fire with marbles that are apparently incendiary grenades, and then takes out his anger on some planks of wood with his unfolding umbrella/lampshade with teeth, the flying guillotine.

I’m pretty sure this one was directed with all the seriousness in the world, and while it does serve as a fine example of some of the most fast paced and entertaining martial arts action from the 70’s, it’s also a movie that is just fucking hysterical to watch.

The acting is hammy,but its all fuel for the incredible amount of charm this film has.  How can you really fault a martial arts movie, from the orient, made in the 70’s, for having acting that is laughable?  You can’t.  Unless the movie sucks.  And this certainly doesn’t.

It’s saving grace is that the parts that are meant to be gravely important and tell the story, are laugh out loud funny.  The fighting bits go from this “LOL” greatness, to actually being DAMN good fights.  And there’s a ton of them, especially in the middle bit where we get almost 30 minutes of straight, back to back, uninterrupted one on one tournament action.  We get tons of different types of combatants as well.  The guy who cheats and uses a knife in his staff to kill, who’s ironically named “Wins without a knife.”  Yeah, that’s the dudes name.  Also we get the Indian guy who’s a yoga expert, that’s his fighting style, with the stretchy arms, like the guy from street fighter II (the video game).

Of course I would be regretful if I didn’t mention that our main baddy, the flying guillotine master, is blind.  So we get a cripple battle between a guy throwing around the deadliest umbrella ever known to man, and a man who has one arm.  I can’t make this shit up, even if I tried really hard.

The production does its part too.  Sound effect for every punch, even if they are just practicing and punching the air.  The video warps, changes color, tears, and a number of other genuine “grindhouse” like results of being a film probably so battered and abused over the years, it’s a miracle it still exists.  The music is really good actually, shame I can’t make fun of that.

If you want to have a good laugh, or see something very absurd, or your big into old-school martial arts flicks, or your….anybody really…you should see this movie, if only to have “yeah, I’ve seen it.”