Posts Tagged ‘nuts


Feast 3 – The Happy Finish

Feast III - The Happy Ending

Feast III - The Happy Finish

And now we reach the end of the Feast trilogy (assuming they do end it here that is) with Feast III – The Happy Finish..

The first five minutes of Feast III consists of flashbacks to Feast and Feast II. Feast III continues on right from the end of Feast II showing what happens to Honey Pie (shant spoil it) and the rest of the gang.

As we’ve come to expect from the previous two movies, Feast III has the usual amount of schoolboy humour and over the top gore/comedy.

Having survived Fast II, the group meet up with a Duke Nukem/cowboy who has a plan for survival, which comes to a rather unfortunate end, leaving the group at a loss for leadership. This is soon remedied by a mysterious ‘prophet’ who seems to have some sort of control over the beasts (whom we still know little, to nothing, about).

But before the meeting is surely one of Feast III’s funniest moments. Ass rape. Yes, that’s right, I’ve managed to write a review with a humorous scene of ass rape. Our ex-car dealer has his back to the wall, while trapped in a storage container. Unfortunately, said wall has a hole in it which one of the randy beasts decides to make good use of. The rest you can find out while watching it.

Ass rape - in this case, it's funny.

Ass rape - in this case, it's funny.

As the beasts run from the mysterious ‘prophet’ the gang take his advice and head for the place where the trilogies humour comes from: the sewers. Here they meet a Macguyver/Bruce Lee wannabe.

Beast balls! Gratuitous sack shot

Beast balls! Gratuitous alien sack shot

Another humorous thing in Feast III is the pole-in-head guy from Feast II. With a pole through your head, I’m sure it’d be quite difficult to talk and you’d be even harder to understand. Subtitles to the rescue! Yes, every time pole-in-the-head guy talks, we get subtitles showing, approximately, what he’s mumbling.

Pole-in-the-head guy goes delerious.

Pole-in-the-head guy goes delirious and thinks one of the midgets is his son.

The survivors leave the sewers and head for street level where the trilogies ending begins.

I’m not going to spoil it, but I enjoyed the ending. Some may not like it, but it’s suitable for the Feast movies. In fact, I’ve enjoyed all three Feast films. They’ve been funny, gory, chock full of boobage and schoolboy humour.

Long may it last. More Feast and more schoolboy humour please!*

* and, of course, boobs


Feast starring Henry Rollins



Feast is a horror comedy which has bar patrons trapped inside the bar while ferocious creatures (outside) are trying to have them as lunch.

The movie starts by introducing us to each of the main characters not by using story but by flashing up some humerous text (see screen below). While not exactly a ground breaking technique, at least it stops us from sitting through thirty minutes of character stories.


Introducing 'Hot Wheels' the cripple.

With character names like ‘Hot Wheels’ (for a guy in a wheel chair) and ‘Honey Pie’, you know from the get go that this movie wants to be politically incorrect and isn’t take itself seriously.

A hero bursts in to the bar and informs the lazy bar goers that there are evil monsters coming, all done in true drama-queen fashion. He is dispatched in a depitation scene, then a female heroine appears. One by one, each patron has a close encounter or is bumped off in a gory fashion.

It’s not all humour as there is also a fair bit of action in the movie too. It wasn’t exactly a demanding part, but I did like Henry Rollins’s (intentional?) self parody, trying to give a team-talk (below) while characters are being butchered.

Henry Rollins (Coach) gives a fine (but utterly hopeless) team talk...

Henry Rollins (Coach) gives a fine (but utterly hopeless) team talk...

The story has few nice twists in it, nothing earth shattering, but still adds some meat to the bones of the story, and also telling us more about the characters.

If a fun movie is what you want then Feast will fit the bill, it’s the kind of movie you used to only get in the 80s, where you could sit, watch some gore, see a cool monster, and have a laugh. A rarity now a days. I’m not sure how popular Feast was on it’s initial release but I know Feast II will be released soon.

that is indeed a monsters tackle, jammed in a door. I even enhanced the brightness of the screenshot for your viewing pleasure. You can thank me later...

that is indeed a monsters tackle, jammed in a door. I even enhanced the brightness of the screen shot for your viewing pleasure. You can thank me later...

Favourite Quote: There’s a monster cock stuck in the door! (above)