Posts Tagged ‘Posters

21
Oct
08

Top 5 (+3) Posters for Halloween

It was near impossible for me pick just five, and somehow I managed to stop myself from cruising the Internet and sifting through my own collection at the magical number of…8


The criteria I used for my picks was simple.  Firstly, I had to actually know about or enjoy the movie’s themselves, as I will try to couple something akin to a mini-review with each poster.  Also, I tried to choose the most creative and eye-popping of the bunch, and if possible, the ones that have really cool innuendo, double-images, or are just plain sick and twisted.

In no particular order.

You see?  It's a skull, but it's also the women from the flick. That's fucking cool.

You see? It's a skull but it's also the women from the film. That's fucking cool.

If you haven’t yet seen Neil Marshall’s The Descent, then you need to go rent, buy, download, borrow from a buddy, or…something and see this flick.  The Descent is one of the most legitimately terrifying, psychologically draining, and claustrophobic films our generation is likely to ever see, and unfortunately the poster you see above wasn’t used very much in advertising for the film.  The reason?  Well, it probably had something to do with some stuck up liberal cunt thinking that the fact that women are screaming and posing on a poster is somehow sexist and degrading to women.  The irony of course, is that the movie is one of the strongest and best portrayals of women I’ve ever seen, in or out of the horror genre.  Anyway, this one-sheet gets on my list for being very innovative, slightly sexual, and having sweet double-imagery.  Oh, and the movie itself is near perfection.  That never hurts.

So much going on.  And the movie actually has ALL that crpa in it!

So much going on. And the movie actually has ALL that crap in it!

The Beyond is one of my all time favs.  Reviewed already on here by my best buddy Ronnie, who wasn’t as fanatical as I was about it, he still gave it some credit for being a cool little gore/zombie flick.  This poster, to me, represents perfectly the sheer chaos the film exudes.  Zombified girls getting their fucking heads blown off by grown men with a .357 magnum.  People running from scary shit.  Lots of screaming.  Dead people.  More dead people.  Mega bonus points for the almost “hand drawn” feel to it, and just the sheer amount of scenes from the movie they were able to fit into one sheet a paper without actually ruining some of the best parts, which of course are the gnarly kills.

Someones about to get a good Ol' fashioned raping.  Wait, IN A HITCHCOCK FILM?!?!?!?!?

Someones about to get a good ol' fashioned raping/murder combo. Wait, IN A HITCHCOCK FILM?!?!?!?

This one threw me for a total loop.  Hitchcock, a man known for his thrillers and endless amount of class in dealing with sex and violence eloquently, yet this poster seems to suggest something totally different.  While Rear Window still is my favorite Hitchcock film, Dial M for Murder is a damn close second.  This poster seems very risky, even if we saw something like it today.  I mean, the girl is obviously in peril, and not only is it clear that the shady man’s intentions are to silence that bitch permanently, he may also be looking to get some non-consensual love while he’s at it.  Again folks, this is pretty dark, twisted, and edgy for Hitchcock, probably why I had never seen it before I started digging for posters for this project.

Spooky.

Spooky.

Fulci again graces my list, and this time for a film that is considered by many to be his nastiest.  House by the Cemetery has a reputation for being possibly the most sadistic and grotesque of Fulci’s work, a man who has nack for combing the surreal elements of Giallo films, with the raw horsepower of lingering, graphic, and sickening violence.  If you wanna see the most fucked up slit throat scene in the history of slit throat scenes, grab yourself a copy of this gore classic.  The poster though, speaks to me on a very Halloween “spooky” level, and is…dare i say…very classy and simple.  A little shadow play with a disfigured face up in the clouds, a full moon, a dark, twisty, kind of bent house and a graveyard with some fog.  This is the kind of stuff you see if a movie theater, and immediately turn to your friend and say “Fuck yeah were seeing that when it comes out!”

I so want this one my wall one day.  Cre-epy!

I so want this one my wall one day. Cre-epy!

Del Toro nailed two birds with one stone with his adult Gothic fairy tale Pan’s Labyrinth.  He not only re-asserted himself as one of the premiere genre directors to watch out for, but also may have creating the defining piece of his entire career.  I just don’t know how he will eclipse of movie that not only showed so much creativity and imagination , but had not one, but two amazing story lines to boot.  (One storyline taking place inside the “Fairy-Tale” world, and the other happening in reality)  This teaser poster always made me sweat in anticipation when I was waiting for this one to come out, and it’s because it’s both incredibly simple, and very creepy.  That sure looks like a “Baphomet” type character to me, not someone who I would let lead a small girl into another dimension.  Another movie that’s highly recommended and another poster I plan to one day have framed on a wall somewhere.  Alice in Wonderland for grown ups, but really really fucking twisted.

What the fuck is that thing on that poor girls HEAD?!?!?!?

What the fuck is that thing on that poor girls HEAD?!?!?!?

How much blood will you shed to stay alive?  Do I really need to say anything else?  The movie (notice I didn’t say series, as everyone seems to have different opinions about how the series has been handled, especially going into the 5th entry in ’08) that changed how audiences viewed horror movies forever, and catapulted the “Torture Porn” sub-category into the cross-hairs of oversensitive fagots worldwide, also happened to have one of the best marketing campaigns ever.  Starting with teaser posters that began floating around the Internet as early as 2001, and extending to some of the most clever “We’re showing you a lot but you have no fucking idea whats actually going on” trailers, SAW burst onto the scene and claimed it it’s own within weeks of its release theatrically.  A perfect tag-line.  A girl in peril without having to rely on sexuality.  One of the best movies series ever. It may not save horror, but it made me believe in slashers again.

It may not save horror, but it made me believe in slashers again.

The tag-line reads “It’s not a remake.  It’s not a sequel.  And it’s not based on a Japanese one.”  Hatchet was a movie I had my eyes on for almost four years, before finally getting to experience it myself in 2007.  Sometimes waiting for shit is a really good thing.  Hatchet delivered on every promise it’s first time director made.  The gore was ALL practical, NO cgi fuckery.  There were ample breasts, some extremely funny humor, some great boo scares, an incredibly likable monster/slasher, and the list goes on and on.  This poster sums the whole thing up too.  It’s an original piece of old school American horror, and sometimes all you need is an axe with some blood on it.  Run, don’t walk, to get your hands on this gem.

The Trick was to Stay Alive.  That is so classic

The Trick was to Stay Alive. That is so classic. And that chick is so fucked.

The poster no one ever saw.  Apparently there are some stories about how much trouble this little poster got into, but I haven’ been able to put all the pieces together, and I don’t want to sit here and just make shit up, so I will instead give you my take on it.  The picture itself is mostly distorted, obviously we can make out a girl in terror, and a hand outside that’s getting dangerously close to her.  Anyone who has seen the film knows what scene this is from.  The Tag-line here really butters my biscuit though.  “The Trick was to Stay Alive.”  That’s some badass shit folks.  Like, if Michael Myers ever needed a one-liner, it would have to be that.  The easy choice was the classic “pumpkin with a knife” poster, but this one, when I found it, spoke to me, especially with the woman in terror and then the incredible tag-line.  And again, it doesn’t give away too much, just enough to put asses in seats.

BONUS!!!!!!!!!!!

For those who have never been treated to seeing the made for tv halloween special, here is, in three parts via youtube, The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t!!!!!

P.S.  Told you I’d find it mom.  Love ya!



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19
Oct
08

Top5 Posters for Halloween

These are in no particular order, and were chosen for their oddness…

Invasion Of The Saucer-Men

Invasion Of The Saucer-Men

I just love the over-dramatic posters of the 50’s

SEE – DISEMBODIED HAND THAT CRAWLS…!

SEE – TEENAGERS vs THE SAUCER-MEN!

(yes, they are genuinely taken from the poster, click it and see)

From good ol’ IMDb:

“A teenage couple making out in the woods accidentally runs over an alien creature with their car. The creature’s hand falls off, but it comes alive, and, with an eye growing out of it, begins to stalk the teens. Meanwhile, Joe the town drunk wants to store the body in his refrigerator, but some of the alien’s buddies inject alcohol into his system, and Joe dies of an overdose.”

Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun

Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun

I really don’t give a rats ass what the film is about, you really can’t go wrong with a chick dressed as a nun with her boobs out. WIN!

From IMDb (should anyone be remotely interested):

“16-year-old Maria is forced into Serra D’Aires convent, secretly run by Satanists. Her confessor is in collusion with the Mother Superior. Maria is tortured, forced into sex with men, women, and the horned Devil, and told that it’s all a bad dream. She writes a letter to God, and a Knight rescues her, only to fall into the hands of the Inquisition, put on the rack, and condemned to death like Joan of Arc.”

SUCH a good poster going to waste… I cry…  😥

Ghost In The Invisible Bikini

Ghost In The Invisible Bikini

There’s just so much going on in this poster that I couldn’t NOT post it!

Some highlights: the green (witch faced) chick in the top left corner. The chick in the purple bent over. Oh wait, there’s nothing suspect in that, that was my imagination, sorry!

Now this might be me just trying to be sensible but: surely a ghost (invisible) in an invisible bikini should be… a blank poster?…

From IMDb:

“Hiram Stokley is a recently desased corpse who learns that he has 24 hours to mastermind and perform one good deed in order to get into Heaven, so he enlists the help of his long deceased girlfriend Cecily, a ghost, to stop his greedy lawyer, Reginald Ripper and his henchman J. Sinister Hulk from claiming his estate for themselves and protecting his eligible heirs, Chuck, Lili, Hiram’s cousin Myrtle, and her son who brings his beach party friends up at the mansion for a pool party while Reginald Ripper also employs his daughter Sinistra, and J. Sinister Hulk’s slow-witted associates Chicken Feather and Yolanda to help them terrorize the teens, while dopey biker Eric Von Zipper and his Malibu Rat Pack bikers also get involved in pursuing Yolanda for a share of the estate.”

Well, I’m glad that cleared things up…  :/

Frogs

Frogs

I HAD to pick Frogs, it’s just such a bizarre yet funny poster!

I hope that the people of 1972 didn’t take this film seriously…

IMDb says:

“Ray Milland plays an aging, grumpy, physically disabled millionaire who invites his family to his island estate for his birthday celebration. Sam Elliot plays a free-lance photographer who is doing a pollution layout for an ecology magazine. Jason Crokett (Milland) hates nature, poisoning anything that crawls on his property. On the night of his birthday the frogs and other members of nature begin to pay Milland back.”

I wish I hadn’t read that summary, it kinda spoils the humour I get from the poster.

Damn you IMDb!

And my last one is also an odd one:

Werewolves On Wheels

Werewolves On Wheels

Three words: WHAT… THE… FUCK…

The ‘story’ according to IMDb is that:

“A biker gang visits a monastery where they encounter black-robed monks engaged in worshipping Satan. When the monks try to persuade one of the female bikers, Helen, to become a satanic sacrifice the bikers smash up the monastery and leave. The monks have the last laugh, though, as Helen, as a result of the satanic rituals, is now possessed and at night changes into a werewolf, with dire results for the biker gang.”

That’s about as clear as mud. That doesn’t look like a female werewolf on that motorbike. If it is, it’s a lesbo werewolf (how good a film would that make?! I’m a genius!) as it’s carrying a female. Or is it a shemale/tranny biker?

Oh God, I have to go now. I have a script running riot in my brain!

Honourable mention goes to:

High School Dropouts

High School Drop-outs

Not only is it, quite possibly, the worst poster ever scratched, but it also makes no sense.

“They wanted tools that didn’t come in schools”

That tagline alone has at least two innuendos.

Even the almighty IMDb has trouble with its title.

Either way, God awful poster and I’m quite glad I can’t get a synopsis for it. Last time I got a synopsis it spoiled the poster! (see cool topless nun poster (above)).

.

OK Alex, your turn, beat that lot!